North Korea

North Korea. As far as players, tactics and the manager are concerned, it is hard to find any real conclusive evidence on who is in fact going to turn up for this most secretive of nations. I can tell you however, that they play in either a red strip or a white one. I also find the fact that they have been labelled the “underdogs” rather ironic, it does however certainly go a long way to proving the phrase ‘you are what you eat’.

North Korea qualified for only their second ever World Cup on the last day of qualifying thanks to a 0-0 draw away at Saudi Arabia, with South Korea holding Iran to a 1-1 draw. This meant that they came second in the group on goal difference, pipping Saudi Arabia to that all elusive World Cup slot. Over 14 games they had scored 11 goals, but their impressive defensive record proved enough, conceding only 5.

Joking aside, most of their players play their football in the North Korean national league meaning that evidence about their football technique is hard to come by. However, one player can be seen in Europe, striker Hong Yong-jo for Russian club Rostov. Probably due to the fact that analysts can find information on him more than anything else, he has been dubbed Korea DPR’s main hope of success. In fairness though, he did score 4 goals in the qualifying campaign, so hopefully he can put one away in South Africa.

In 1966 North Korea stunned the World by making it through to the quarterfinals of the competition after a 1-0 victory over Italy saw them progress to that stage. Even more astounding was the fact that they went 3-0 up against Portugal, only to see Eusebio score 4 to send Portugal through to the semi-finals, 5-3 the eventual score. To see them cause so much upset this year would be sensational.

North Korea are the unlucky participants in the “Group of Death”, Group G. Brazil, Portugal and the Ivory Coast all await the men from Asia. The Choilima are basically just making up the numbers this year. If they score a goal it will be a miracle, if they earn a point a nuclear war may even be averted. If they progressed to the next round a nuclear war may have already started, with the first three targets being Brazil, Portugal and the Ivory Coast.

Manager Kim Jong-hun will likely adopt a very defensive formation. That suits their natural style apparently, but then again, what other option would they have in South Africa? Expect to see all 11 men behind the ball, harassing the opposition, tenacious like their Southern counterparts, some may even say dogged.

The men from North Korea have done brilliant to make it to South Africa and will no doubt enjoy their time there. The experience of playing against such top class opposition – the likes of Kaka, Ronaldo and Drogba – is a memory that nobody is ever going to be able to take away from them. Unfortunately, none of their homeland is ever going to read about on the internet. They will watch the games on screens though, just not live.

Come the end of the group stages they will be going home, yet many of their names may be more common upon the tongue. For once, North Korea are going to be the team that everyone wants to win, but realistically, they have as much chance as Ronaldo turning up without doing his hair. But what do they expect, it’s a dog eat dog world.