Wacky World Cup Adverts

Watching a game of football is meant to be a form of entertainment. The main test for how entertaining a match is, is not the possession percentage, the shots of target to overall shots ratio, but how long it takes the crowd to start a Mexican wave. 28 minutes it took for one to be formed around Wembley in England’s friendly against Mexico, showing just how bored the crowd were.

King and Crouch had scored scrappy goals before Franco put one in for Mexico on the stroke of half time. The Mexicans deserved the goal after playing more of the attractive football, with Baines, King and Ferdinand all looking slightly suspect at the back on occasions.

England was playing the North American opponents in a bid to gage how the USA may play in the group stages of the World Cup which commences in just under a month. So in a bid to become more American myself, my thoughts drifted to how our cousins across the Atlantic view sport.

Naturally my first inkling was to think outwith the realms of soccer and instead contemplate on what the Americans call “football”. This connotation took me towards the Superbowl. And what is the main attraction of the Superbowl? The Television adverts! So as half time commenced I decided I would scrutinise which football players had already performed well this summer.

First man on my screen is 6ft 7in robot lanky man Peter Crouch. The Spurs striker appears in two adverts for his main scalp, the one and only, Pringles...Not only does he lose all credibility for another robot dance performance, this is imitated by a fat man who looks like he is in the middle of Barcelona, nowhere near South Africa, but also that checked shirt just doesn’t do it for him. Fortunately, he is redeemed slightly due to the fact he appears alongside Anelka, Fabregas and Dirk Kuyt. Very slightly. Yet, exclaiming “Pringoooals” at the end just about sums up this decisively poor commercial.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=24E8q0vhRss

Albeit, that is the better of his two forms of embarrassment. Next in front of my eyes, a plethora of talent, one which truly encapsulates the essence of the World Cup, let down only by their ending slogan “Write Your Future” – boring (and rather misleading, as we simpletons cannot write our own future as we are not one of the men fortunate to represent our country in South Africa). Superstar after superstar enter this 3 minute long escapade, yet it is worth every second. The intensity of emotions, the highs of winning to the lows of losing all summed up by Nike. Frank Ribery to Kobe Byrant, from witnessing Wayne Rooney in his natural habitat, to him beating Roger Federer at tabletennis. As for Homer Simpson, his part is sheer class. But then what else did we expect from Nike?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=idLG6jh23yE

Frank Lampard is the next man up, joining the renegades who did not quite make the cut in the Nike advert, yet still are well above the likes of Peter Crouch. Pepsi provide the first commercial that actually presents an African feel, with the setting and song both clearly being inspired by that continent. Lampard at times looks like the in animal of the moment, the Meerkat. As for the shirts, a most have for any night out that is labelled “Bad Shirt Night”.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v1hMSL7vyD0

Nationwide have incorporated the whole of the English team, as they are one of their main sponsors this is understandable. Capello even gets a starring role. Unfortunately though, they have opted to use a Little Britain sketch which has long surpassed its use-by date. Originality is low, the comedy even less so. Therefore, despite having the use of all the England players who did not have better commercial deals, this advert is somewhat lacking in style.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DYDS-D8BN5g

Carlsberg have also offered us an attempt at an iconic advert, without compromising on their slogan. There are legends throughout, in terms of the advert and also English history. Sir Ralph Fiennes is even involved. Jeff Stelling gracing us with the English flag stamped across his bare-chest is a moment of genius. However, it all feels a little over the top. The Sir Bobby Robson part, although an extremely nice gesture to a man who deserves such honour, helps push it too far. A good effort, but unfortunately verging on the point of being cringe worthy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=66OuJZGDCHE

Next we are all “Crossing Our Fingers” for the KitKat ad. The commercial talks the nation through everything we are hoping for at this upcoming World Cup. It is dull and boring. Their main star – Sol Campbell. I think that pretty much says it all. I for one am not that bothered about seeing a chubby 10year old squeeze through the crowd to get Campbell’s signature.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VmVafJeZMB4

Finally before the second half commences, where Glen Johnson goes on to score a good goal to ease England to a 3-1 victory in an unconvincing performance, we get the joys of seeing John Barnes perform a rap for Mars. The rap is absolutely terrible, although I think that is part of the joke. The rest of the joke includes the fact that Mars have a more than pleasantly plump Barnes rapping away, clearly having enjoyed testing the product out before his shoot, yet his legs remain incredibly thin.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yi_64ifLI9U

So, it is Nike again that come out as ‘King of the Ads’. But what did we expect from the company that brought us the Brazil team dancing their way through an airport terminal (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sbFmK4zZ9Ys) or the cage tournament in 2002 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=egNMC6YfpeE). Still, can you really beat El Tel, Graeme Le Saux and Gareth Southgate with a bag over his head, walking into a pillar in pizza hut, whilst the others exclaimed “This time he’s hit the post”? Classic.